OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I look better un-naked...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Panties = found
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
