Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
