imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
