Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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