no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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