I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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