Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Welp...herpes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
