that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
