I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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