Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
