The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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