I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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