I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize