very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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