If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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