He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
