I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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