Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
