Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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