Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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