Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
