I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize