Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
