I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
