Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
