I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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