He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
