...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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