I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
