you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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