Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
