You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
