I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
