I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
