I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
