It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
