she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
