Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
