my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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