My brain says no but my pants say off.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
