Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sober January is a disaster.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
