my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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