There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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