He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
