He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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