so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
