dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
