dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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