dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
