Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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