I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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