you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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