I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
