i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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