Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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