the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
