He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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