Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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