I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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