We're facebook friends in real life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
