he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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