Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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