How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
