it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i will never coherently bang her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
