all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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