we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
