as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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