never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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