I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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