Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm at about main and main street
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
