my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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