I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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