Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this boner is exhausting
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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