i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
