all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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