His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
