We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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