I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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