woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
