so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
