ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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