Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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