If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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