I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
