Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
