how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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