I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who died my cat blue again?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
