I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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