im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
